THE DEMOCRATS GATHER

REPORT ON THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATE

The Democratic Candidates gathered together for their second debate of the season. With over a year to go before the 2008 election, Debate No. 811 will take place next October.

All of the candidates showed up for the occasion and orange crates were brought in for Hillary Clinton and Dennis Kucinich, to make them look as tall as everyone else. Kucinich is short, but he is loud and clear. His beautiful wife is very tall, with flowing red hair that is longer than Kucinich.

Everyone got along fine, although John Edwards seemed to want to ruffle a few feathers. John provoked Hillary a bit when he said that the phrase, "Global War on Terror", has become just a Bumper Sticker. She said that, being a New York Senator, she has seen the effects of suicide attacks, so she takes those words seriously. However, Hillary doesn't need campaign money like Edwards does. It is said the Bumper Stickers will go on sale soon.

Edwards also irritated Barrack Obama when he chided both Obama and Clinton for remaining silent about their votes on the War Funding Bill until the very last minute. Edwards said there is a difference between leadership and legislation. If you don't believe that, Webster's Dictionary will explain it thoroughly. Edwards didn't point out this fact. I just threw it in.

Obama said that, since he hadn't voted for the war in the first place, Edwards was about four and a half years late with his leadership. Edwards, who did vote for the War, said he had been wrong. He said it is important to admit it when one is wrong. That, in my opinion, would make a good Bumper Sticker, too, and should be plastered to the bumper of Limousine One.

The Dick Cheney Fan Club, membership 2 (Dick and Lynn), are up in arms over a remark made by Hillary. She said that Cheney was being sent to talk to the leaders of other countries in a diplomatic fashion. She said that this was not diplomatic, in her opinion. The audience laughed and applauded this remark. Of course, they were all Democrats and Independents, because Republicans continue to believe that Dick Cheney is highly diplomatic. He is the Republican Poster Boy for Charm and Charisma and is rumored to be taking over Fred Thompson's role as prosecutor in Law and Order. The character's name will be changed to Dr. McMeany.

All of the candidates favor Universal Health Care for every American, as soon as they figure out how to pay for it. Only Hillary was brave enough to say that, with our national debt and our other problems, there is no way to have the country we want without paying for it. Actually, we could borrow the money from China just like we're borrowing the money for everything else, but it has been suggested that China just might call in the debt. That, I thought, would be a good time to declare war on them, right after we declare war on Russia after we declare war on Iran. The trouble is, we would run out of countries to borrow money from. I wonder if the Marshall Islands are solvent?

The Democratic candidates are all in favor of canceling the tax cuts for the rich, but seem to have trouble deciding at just what point one can be called rich. One time, when I was very broke, I received a hundred dollar rebate check in the mail. I felt rich! But, that kind of feeling is not reality. John Edwards wants to tax those folks making more than $200,000 a year. But Obama was tossing around the figure of $400,000. If they keep it up, pretty soon they are going to be talking about real money.

Senator Joe Biden was highly indignant about just about everything. He was the only one of the candidates who voted to fund the War, but he defended his position with fervor. He could not, in good conscience, deny funding for our troops, he said. However, he blamed the War on George Bush and George Bush alone, refusing to take any blame for it. Senator Gravelle, however, said that the War was on the Democrat's shoulders now, because they had caved in to the President's veto of timelines. Instead of timelines, the President allowed benchmarks. A benchmark is something you get when you sit on your butt too long, and that would describe our position in Iraq exactly. One thing about George Bush...he knows his English!

Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico, pointed out that he is the most experienced candidate, having been Ambassador to the U.N., a Senator, and Secretary of the Energy Commission. He forgot to add that he has been nominated four times for the Nobel Peace Prize. He never won it, but if he can figure out a way to get George Bush to end the Iraq War, we can make sure he wins the fifth nomination. He did say that he had helped education in his state, made firm rules concerning illegal immigration in his state, made efforts to solve the health care problem in his state, and had improved the economic situation in his state.

So, our problems are solved. Let's all just move to New Mexico, where things are moving along nicely. Why waste our time with all of this back and forth debating, if we can avoid it. New Mexico isn't bad at all, a few creepy, crawly things around, but the climate's good, the artists cluster there, and Richardson doesn't seem like a bad chap to have around.