Monday, July 31, 2006


Oh, how we Americans love to destroy our celebrities. We build them up, give them all sort of publicity, invade their private lives, stare at tabloid pictures of them at various functions, then take great delight in talking about it when they get into trouble and cause a scandal. If they complain about all this, we wonder what they are griping about!

If they didn't want the attention, they wouldn't have worked so hard to become famous in the first place! That's our excuse for chewing up and digesting our celebrities.

So if they drink too much, snort cocaine, get hooked on prescription medication, let themselves get fat, or waste away to phantom proportions, we, the public, are always on the job, criticizing, nosing around, reading the stories. We are the self-appointed moral guardians of the rich and famous!

The thing is, when a celebrity stumbles and falls, there is a vicarious thrill to be had. Look at that! They may be stunningly beautiful, shapely, handsome, gorgeous, breathtaking....but they have faults! This proves that money and fame doesn't make one happy! This proves that it is not so bad being plain old me!

It's enough to make you happy when you are an anonymous unknown. You can do mundane things without flashbulbs popping off in your face, without hordes of people staring at you, without autograph seekers begging for your John Henry.

Then again, you don't command the kind of money these people make. It is sort of an even exchange. We'll make you rich. You get the money. Then we will try to ridicule you in the eyes of the world....with a little help from yourself, I might add.

Some celebrities rise above it all to use their notoriety to help society. A case in point might be Angelina Jolie. She works for the U.N., traveling hither and yon, and I understand has even given large amounts of her salary to worthy projects in underdeveloped, needy countries. She is using her celebrity for a good cause, but even then her life is filled with the papparazzi, the fans, the tabloid stories, the whole ball of wax....or I should say, celluloid.

Angelina teamed up with Brad Pitt and the pair are now called Brangelina, as they travel the world together in this seemingly idyllic life, flying their plane, playing with the children both adopted, and enjoying their own little girl, newly born.

Of course, this leaves Jennifer Aniston without a mate, unless she has found one recently, and the tabloids have gone into a sort of frenzy trying to decide just which one they should glorify. It makes for heavy reading, especially when one or the other gives an interview. Thus, we know that Brad finally has his children, and Jennifer is happy single.

In the past few days, the television programs have centered upon Mel Gibson. I never would have thought Mel would have such problems, but it proves that no one can predict the next scandal. It might be worth a television series....America's Fallen Idol, which scandal do you vote for? The lines will be open for two hours following the end of the broadcast.

We learn that Mel has a bit of a drinking problem and that, while in his cups, so to speak, he cussed out the Jews and made sexual slurs toward a female deputy. Pause here to faint in shock and disappointment! Pause here while the earth stops spinning!

Mel Gibson chose a strange life, while he enjoyed his phenomenal success. His family...and its a big one, seven kids I believe...stayed in Australia, while he made his mark in Hollywood. This may explain the drinking problem, because it can get pretty lonely with your family half a world away.

As for the remarks, who hasn't heard terrible talk from a drunk? It's not unusual for a drunk to make sexual remarks toward any woman standing by, nor is it unusual to hear them mouthing a few cusswords. Drinking lowers inhibitions and stunts good common sense, as we all should know by now. Ahem....I am not saying I have ever drank too much! Oh, no!

One of my mother's favorite songs was an old-timer that said ..."lips that touch liquor will never touch mine!"

I didn't listen to her, of course, but my lips are just faintly tainted with liquor, not sodden or rum-soaked. However, I have known alcoholics. One of my friends has been off the bottle for fifteen years, and has run an AA program. During her drinking years, she was an absolute wreck. She was in Rehab four times and a Mental Home twice. It was my misfortune to drive her to one of the Rehabilitation Clinics, located in downtown Detroit. I got my drunken friend out of the car and she immediately sat down in the middle of the highway, as the traffic weaved around us. If it had not been for a hefty, kind security guard, I would never have gotten her on her way again.

So, perhaps we should go easy on Mel. A religious man, a good Catholic, he became super wealthy with his Passions movie. But wealth combined with a love of John Barleycorn can be uncomfortable bedfellows, especially when you sleep in the public eye. And, then too, there is always the thrill of forgiveness as we excuse our celebrities for being human after all.

I have heard that the Jewish people are not too happy with Mel to begin with, because in his Passions movie, he portrayed them as villains. And, instead of selecting the fine, handsome Jewish fellows, of which there are many, Mel chose some ugly people, big noses, rough features, unattractive. I mean, if they are going to kill Christ, you don't want to select anyone looking like George Clooney, do you?

So, Mel has apologized for his crude statements, but it is not known whether the Jewish Federation will forgive him. But I forgive him. I've got too many tabloids to catch up on to worry about Mel. I've got to make sure Brittany is looking after her baby. I have to get Jennifer Aniston married off to someone. I have to make sure Paris Hilton stays away from video cameras when she is making love. My workload is filled. Carry on, Mel! You're forgiven. Just don't let it happen again!