Thursday, June 15, 2006


I have really never considered burning the American flag or any other flag, nor has anyone I know ever done so, but now Congress has brought it up, as though it is a big problem. They want to enact a Constitutional Amendment saying the Desecration of our Flag is a crime. I guess this Amendment will accompany their Constitutional Amendment banning Gay Marriage.

More than 100,000 men and women have lost their jobs in Michigan, with the huge auto companies closing down and fleeing to other countries, where labor is cheaper and benefits are few. We are enmeshed in a War in the Middle East, both in Iraq and Afghanistan, and our country is not only losing soldiers and killing civilians, but sinking into mammoth debt.

Yet our Congress concentrates on Gay Marriage and Flag Burning, as though these issues are of primary importance.

They don't seem to be doing much about the millions of Illegal Aliens flooding the southern Border, other than sending a thousand National Guard troops there to twiddle their thumbs or help with the bookwork, or whatever their role may be.

We have mammoth problems.....few jobs, underpaid workers, hordes of teenagers wandering around with no employment available, a scanty minimum wage, Health Care that is unaffordable for many thousands of Americans, gas prices that cost more per gallon than minimum wage per hour, as well as that nasty War.

Yet Congress is arguing about Gay Marriage and Flag Burning!

If two homosexuals marry, it really doesn't concern me at all. I have lived a lifetime ignoring other people's marriages, trying to concentrate on my own and trying to mind my own business. If two homosexuals can provide a good home for orphaned children, I cheer this effort, and they seem to be doing a good job with their children.....a better job than some of us heterosexual folks who have occasionally been known to abuse kids or neglect them pitifully. Let me remind folks that heterosexual marriages are usually where orphans come from....and we have a lot of them!

Marriage is, after all, a contract between two people for the purpose of protecting property. Some folks call it a "Sacred Covenant." They call it that all the way to the Divorce Court, then it becomes a catfight.

Flag Burning puzzles me. Is this a big problem? I suppose some groups of protestors might want to emphasize their feelings by burning the flag, but I have never thought of it as a big problem, worthy of a Congressional debate and a Constitutional Amendment.

I have a T-Shirt with a flag printed on it. Now how on earth will I get rid of that T-Shirt when it becomes old and tattered without risking a few years at Guantanamo or worse? My flag manual says that, to rid yourself of a flag and show proper respect, one should burn it. Now how can one do this, if it is against a Constitutional rule?

Will I have to have a full Military Funeral for my T-shirt, complete with bugles playing Taps and rifles shooting blanks? Or might I have to bury it in my backyard in a secretive spot, hoping cameras aren't trained on my activities?

I have never thought about these earth-shattering problems before. Suppose my flag burns up accidentally? Will I face charges? Will I have a trial, and a lawyer? Or will I be slammed into a secret prison and threatened by vicious, snarling dogs? Will I be shamed forever as an outlaw Flag Burner, unable to find work or clear my record?

Why don't we just clarify this Amendment and make it Illegal to burn anything. This will help Global Warming with fewer fumes going into the atmosphere, destroying the ozone. We can jail anyone who lights a cigarette, thus stomping out this nasty habit. After all, one can gobble cupcakes without lighting anything, so obesity will still be safe, while lighting matches will be a federal crime. So far, they have not proposed a Constitutional Amendment against Obesity!

Suppose one is Gay and burns a flag? We could execute him twice. Then, we could show his dead picture on television as frequently as Al Z's picture has been displayed. ...amost as often as that shot of Saddam having his mouth swabbed. Makes for great viewing while having dinner.

But, wait a minute! Suppose a nasty neighbor claims I burned a flag when I did nothing of the kind? How do I prove my innocence? Will they search for ashes and send any they find off to the FBI laboratories for analysis? Suppose my nasty neighbor planted the evidence and I have flag ashes in my yard? I could be placed in the slammer for something I didn't do.

I demand a lawyer.

There are so many important considerations here. Our Congress is so wonderful, ignoring minor issues like 20 million Illegal Aliens and an Endless War and concentrating on the things that matter, like Gay Marriage and Flag Burning! One can always count on them, can't one? I hear these hard-working people gave themselves a $3,000 raise recently. That's on top of the money they received from Abramoff!

One thing you can say.....the poorer the taxpayer gets, the richer the politicians get. It is illegal to burn a dollar bill in the United States of America. But it is not illegal to gather a huge amount of dollar bills while representing the people! And they are good Americans....not like those depraved Gays or those pesky Protestors who burn flags!