Sunday, September 02, 2007


I don't know why anyone should be amused by the embarrassment and humiliation of another person, but the downfall of Senator Larry Craig has been highly entertaining. I feel guilty for being so amused by it all, but I suppose God will forgive me a hearty chuckle or two at a time like this.

Because the NeoCons have been so righteously superior, because they have bleated about putting "morality and integrity" back into Washington, D.C., and because they all act so religiously pompous and strive to put a ban on Gay Marriage into our Constitution, it is just downright funny when one of them proves himself to be a hypocrite.

It has been a picnic watching these so-called Compassionate Conservatives fall by the wayside, with constant indictments and various sex scandals. It seems that they have been harassing the Congressional pages for some time now, and only when one brave youth made his troubles with Senator Foley public did the problem come into the open. Senator Craig, too, was suspected of molesting a page, but that was swept under the table, I guess, and ignored.

In this current scandal, a tape was made by the policeman who was undercover in the bathroom stall next to Senator Craig. Craig's excuse for playing footsie with the policeman was that he was reaching behind him for paper that had fallen on the floor. I have tried to envision this scene and, through no stretch of the imagination can I justify my foot reaching into the next stall, just because I am reaching behind me. Then, too, Senator Craig blamed this for his hand reaching under the stall, I suppose because he was presumably off-balance. Again, I have a mental vision of a contortionist, reaching behind him while his feet slip into the next stall, with his left hand holding onto the adjoining stall wall.

These airport stalls must be the size of crackerboxes, if that acrobatic maneuver was necessary. But, having never visited this particular airport, I wouldn't know. I only know that this tape, when played for the television viewing public, must have been about as humiliating as is possible for any human being, with the possible exception of Monica Lewinsky's blue dress stain. A complete description was given of just how Senator Craig positions his pants when he lowers them, something I could have lived without knowing, and the thought of this policeman, sitting for hours in a bathroom stall, waiting for a homosexual to approach him, is the lowest form of police work.

When you think of a heroic police officer, risking his life in any dangerous situation, facing the dangers of the streets, one doesn't exactly include the duty of sitting for hours in a bathroom stall, pants down, I presume, and awaiting any perverted person to accost him. Perhaps I am wrong, though. Perhaps he is the real hero, the one with patience and perseverance, the one saving us all from rampant, raging homosexuality. Heaven forbid! It may be catching! Or a child might wonder why two men are rattling stall walls, thereby traumatizing this innocent tot forever!

What is pathetic is the thought of a Gay Senator, who claims he is not Gay, who has to resort to searching for sex in a public bathroom. Because he is a Republican Senator, because he has shook his finger in the face of Bill Clinton's supposed sins, because he serves on Republican Committees concerning ethics and morality, his downfall is even more pathetic. So aghast were they by this indiscretion that not one Republican stood up for Senator Craig! They were so morally horrified one would have thought the man had slaughtered thousands of people. They show none of this indignation when it comes to the slaughter of innocents in Iraq!

The only one to speak up for Senator Craig was Tom DeLay, which is like the pot claiming that the kettle is not black. Tom DeLay shows up on television periodically, smiling and carefree, just as though he is not facing legal troubles in Texas for his misdeeds during his Congressional tenure, just as though he knows he will face a Conservative judge and walk free! Perhaps he spoke up in support of Senator Craig because he hopes someone will stick up for him. Who knows?

Actually, you learn something every day. I did not know that, in order to call attention to the person in the adjoining bathroom stall when seeking sex, one taps his foot on the floor. I would have thought a person was just impatient, or perhaps listening to a music tape. Now I know, although I am not sure just how to use this tidbit of information. I'll just file this away under Miscellaneous Information, along with the mating habits of dragon flies and the correct way of wiping oneself if visiting the Middle East. You never know when these tidbits may be useful.

I have gotten a lot of exercise in public bathrooms myself, trying to ascertain just which stall is empty. This involves bending over and peering at feet. According to this undercover policeman, Senator Craig was not just bending over, peering at feet. He was peeking through the cracks of the stall, making eye contact. I guess that is lewd conduct right there. No one wants eye contact when they are struggling with buttons and belts and all manner of clothing. I had one friend who wore a tight girdle and I tell you, I thought she was NEVER going to emerge from that stall.

Senator Craig called his arrest "entrapment," which it may have been. He pleaded guilty in court to this crime, several weeks after the arrest happen, hoping the episode would be lost in police annals and never cause a commotion in the press. It was the wrong thing to do, because now he seems a little ridiculous claiming innocence, and he ruined the public's chances of enjoying a great deal more amusement watching a trial. It also provides material for Leno and Letterman, and Washington does a great job of keeping them supplied with satirical splendor.

Isn't it a pity when a supposedly Gay Senator has to hide his inclinations and seek sex in a bathroom? Isn't it a pity that we human beings judge each other and proclaim one type of person as acceptable and the other type as a sinner? The Bible says homosexuality is wrong, but it also says selling your daughter into slavery is okay. The NeoCons make a big fuss about homosexuality, but you don't see them selling their daughters! If you are going to take the Bible literally, you should take it all into account, not just pick out pieces here and there to suit your needs.

Senator Craig has a wife and children, who are undoubtedly going through a personal hell right now. Like Bill Clinton's impeachment, this episode is a lot of noise over nothing. Senator Craig's sex life is his business, no one else's, and we should learn to keep our noses out of other people's affairs. Writers like myself should not be amused by the hypocrisy of the Republican Party. Poor things, they believe they are right even if they can't resist a sin or two.

But I can't help it. It's amusing. Morality, integrity and honor are still floating around somewhere outside Washington, D.C. and, try as they might, the NeoCons just can't get it back in there, no matter how hard they lie, cheat and start wars.