THE DUKE OF NUKE AND THE EARL OF INSANITY

Another war? Oh, yummy! That should delight the hearts of those warhawks leading us, who seem to cherish the thought of more bloodshed! Dick Cheney, who never served in the military and who received four...or was it five?...deferments, seems to consider himself an expert on warfare, even though he can't aim straight....and our esteemed leader, the Duke of Nuke, seems to enjoy Shock & Awe, because he is always threatening it...putting it nicely in sentences like...."military force has not been discounted!" or "The use of force is not off the table!"

Some folks say that Iran is plugging away on its nuclear weapons, ready to practice on the United States. Other folks say they are light years away from a nuclear weapon and that we have nothing to worry about. Some folks....and that includes most of the world....suggest that diplomatic measures should be used to avoid any crisis. Others, including many in the Bush Base, seem to believe that God instructed their idol to lead a Holy Crusade against the Islamic Empire.

I wonder if there is any way to just turn off the mind and plug back into world affairs in about ten or twenty years?

Holy War is not my thing. I happen to believe that ALL war is unholy, even though some wars might be necessary. Hitler had to be halted, because he was marching into smaller countries, one by one, and led his assault straight to England. But this Iranian nut with the unpronouncable name...Ah Man Ah Luv Nooks...is no Hitler, just an ordinary raving lunatic, and I think he is reacting to the Axis of Evil threats, the War in Iraq fiasco, and the fear that the Duke of Nuke will order up an attack.

The Duke has bragged that he believes it is his mission to spread Democracy throughout the world. At the same time, he seems to be destroying it here at home....but that's another story. He believes that the U.S. is an influential country and that it is our responsibility to join him in this task of spreading Democracy. And he is having a head-on collision with the Earl of Insanity, president of Islamic Iran.

I guess the Duke feels that what he has accomplished in Iraq could be called Democracy. I have heard it called Chaos, and at the moment, the retired Generals are calling for the ouster of the Secretary of Defense, whom they claim has mucked up the war. And so I naturally fear that what we will spread throughout the world is not Democracy, but rather, Chaos, and we seem to have a fairly good start at this.

What we seem to have here is a good, old-fashioned pissing contest, with two rather loonie leaders seeing which one can spurt the farthest toward that line in the sand. In the meantime, we innocent bystanders wonder what kind of a boiling inferno these loonies can cause and just how we can keep our soldiers safe from their lunacy, to say nothing of our universe, what with windblown radiation, etc. The horrors are too numerous to mention!

What kind of leaders sit and shout threats of nuclear holocaust at each other? What goes through the heads of the Duke of Nuke and the Earl of Insanity? Does anyone think of the children of these countries, helplessly caught in these manmade disasters? Oh, well, so we fry a few more babies! Why worry about that?

My latest hero is Rodney King who, a bit battered and not exactly the ideal intellectual, nevertheless spoke his words of wisdom..."Can't we all just get along?" Those words echo in my mind as I read of the latest threats of nuclear disaster. I really don't need to read them. The script reads exactly like the pre-Iraq speeches given by our Duke and the replies to the threats spoken by the Earl.

Even Albert Einstein had a healthy respect for nuclear power and the damage it can cause. The problem is, our looney leaders are so distant from Einstein it is like comparing grains of sand with a nugget of gold. They evidently aren't bright, or so it seems! Neither of them look toward the future because they are so assured that they are Anointed by their Polar Opposite Gods that one believes he will enjoy seventy virgins and a seat beside Allah and the other believes he is directed by a Heavenly Voice and will bring about the Second Coming. Or, anyway, that's the way I understand it.

I keep hoping something good will happen to halt all of this talk of nuclear war. Would someone please impeach Bush? Will someone please remove that nutcase in Iran from office? Once the first bomb explodes, there will be no turning back. Nukes against Nukes. How pleased they will be, like little boys throwing rocks in the water! Who can throw the farthest? Ha! My Dad can beat up your Dad! Ha! I'll punch you in the nose, bully! Ha! I killed a hundred more people. Ha!

I wish it were that simple, that we could send each looney to his room and take away his Play Station for a week as punishment. But we're not playing games here, unfortunately. We are listening to serious rumors of a nuclear exchange.

Sorry folks, duct tape and plastic won't help!