Monday, March 20, 2006


I have had a lot of fun with these definitions and want to share them on Hermaland.

Liberal - dastardly soul who dares oppose the Christian Right and is headed straight for Hell.

Liberal Media - All media outlets except Fox News.

Bush-Bashing - any criticism of Bush, not to be confused with the warm, loving advice Republicans gently gave to Bill Clinton.

Hitlery - Cute little nickname given to Clinton's wife.

Abstinence - Program promoting chastity among teens and AIDS victims.

AIDS - Disease afflicting people ignoring Abstinence.

AIDS RELIEF - Money spent on Abstinence Programs among people who ignored abstinence and contracted AIDS.

War on Terror - excuse for everything Bush suggests.

Scooter Libby - lovable imp who simply obeyed his boss.

Teresa Heinz Kerry - shrewish harridan loaded with money.

Laura Bush - good little Republican wife.

Iraq - Resort area, where things are going so well, tourists flock there for the scenic views.

The Economy - Wonderful, uplifting period of prosperity for Republicans, frozen pensions and peanuts for the working people.

The Budget - A hundred billion here, a hundred billion there....and now you're talking real money, our money!

Guest Worker - poor illegal alien with a need for a job, with a pregnant wife in need of prenatal care and six kids in need of an education.

Choice - Horrible word used by those who sometimes avoid having babies. Babies - Cute little dumplings Republicans feel are nice to have around, but why should we feed them?

Jack Abramoff - As George Clooney said, no one with a name with "off" in it should name their child "Jack".

Rush Limbaugh - Deity adored by Republicans, placed a step below George Bush and a step above Christ.

Ownership Society - country in which a majority own nothing and a minority own everything and George Bush owns it all.

Tom DeLay - poor, picked-on Hammer with a grin and a hefty Defense Fund.

John Kerry- cowardly candidate who volunteered for Viet Nam service in his flip-flops.

Social Security Reform - A step leading you to your old age in the back bedroom of your closest relative.

Intelligent Design - A program that wants to teach students that God is intelligent, even if they may not be.

Global Warming - Nonsensical theory made up by liberal scientists who waste time worrying about silly things like the environment.

No Child Left Behind - The more we study it, the behinder we get.

Dick Cheney - vice president now known as "Rotten Shot Richard."

Warrantless Wiretapping - necessary program involving only eavesdropping on terrorists like Christiane Amanpour.

Gay Marriage - Bestial practice that belittles God's plan and makes a mockery of marriage and divorce and marriage and a divorce between a man and a woman.

Civil War in Iraq - minor skirmish dredged up by the news media that fails to report our victory.

Karl Rove - dubbed "Turd Blossom" by his boss, he is proving that he is.

George Clooney- Hollywood sleazeball who ought to stick to making movies.

Arnold Schwarzenegger- fine Republican actor with an exemplary background.

Brokeback Mountain - Two sinful cowboys ropin' each other instead of the dogies.

Medicare Prescription Plan - Thirty-seven ways of confusing even Kevin Bacon.

"Stay the Course" - the Bush way of telling us he plans on three more years of misery.