DEFINITIONS FROM BUSHWORLD
Liberal - dastardly soul who dares oppose the Christian Right and is headed straight for Hell.
Liberal Media - All media outlets except Fox News.
Bush-Bashing - any criticism of Bush, not to be confused with the warm, loving advice Republicans gently gave to Bill Clinton.
Hitlery - Cute little nickname given to Clinton's wife.
Abstinence - Program promoting chastity among teens and AIDS victims.
AIDS - Disease afflicting people ignoring Abstinence.
AIDS RELIEF - Money spent on Abstinence Programs among people who ignored abstinence and contracted AIDS.
War on Terror - excuse for everything Bush suggests.
Scooter Libby - lovable imp who simply obeyed his boss.
Teresa Heinz Kerry - shrewish harridan loaded with money.
Laura Bush - good little Republican wife.
Iraq - Resort area, where things are going so well, tourists flock there for the scenic views.
The Economy - Wonderful, uplifting period of prosperity for Republicans, frozen pensions and peanuts for the working people.
The Budget - A hundred billion here, a hundred billion there....and now you're talking real money, our money!
Guest Worker - poor illegal alien with a need for a job, with a pregnant wife in need of prenatal care and six kids in need of an education.
Choice - Horrible word used by those who sometimes avoid having babies. Babies - Cute little dumplings Republicans feel are nice to have around, but why should we feed them?
Jack Abramoff - As George Clooney said, no one with a name with "off" in it should name their child "Jack".
Rush Limbaugh - Deity adored by Republicans, placed a step below George Bush and a step above Christ.
Ownership Society - country in which a majority own nothing and a minority own everything and George Bush owns it all.
Tom DeLay - poor, picked-on Hammer with a grin and a hefty Defense Fund.
John Kerry- cowardly candidate who volunteered for Viet Nam service in his flip-flops.
Social Security Reform - A step leading you to your old age in the back bedroom of your closest relative.
Intelligent Design - A program that wants to teach students that God is intelligent, even if they may not be.
Global Warming - Nonsensical theory made up by liberal scientists who waste time worrying about silly things like the environment.
No Child Left Behind - The more we study it, the behinder we get.
Dick Cheney - vice president now known as "Rotten Shot Richard."
Warrantless Wiretapping - necessary program involving only eavesdropping on terrorists like Christiane Amanpour.
Gay Marriage - Bestial practice that belittles God's plan and makes a mockery of marriage and divorce and marriage and a divorce between a man and a woman.
Civil War in Iraq - minor skirmish dredged up by the news media that fails to report our victory.
Karl Rove - dubbed "Turd Blossom" by his boss, he is proving that he is.
George Clooney- Hollywood sleazeball who ought to stick to making movies.
Arnold Schwarzenegger- fine Republican actor with an exemplary background.
Brokeback Mountain - Two sinful cowboys ropin' each other instead of the dogies.
Medicare Prescription Plan - Thirty-seven ways of confusing even Kevin Bacon.
"Stay the Course" - the Bush way of telling us he plans on three more years of misery.