Thursday, March 10, 2005


There is a new medication called Bushex, developed after long months of painstaking work by dedicated medical researchers. This medication, it is claimed, will help in digesting all of the legislation and activities of George W. Bush. One capsule a day renders you immune to acid indigestion, nausea, headaches, and all of the symptoms brought on by listening to Bush on television, radio or by reading newspapers. The capsule is timed, so even late night revelations will not cause sleeplessness. Some people can even listen to several hours of Fox News after taking Bushex.

Because of intense pressure from the public, the FDA recently approved Bushex, although claimed more tests are needed. But it has been widely used in Europe for years and was said to be the reason Putin could keep his cool during the recent Bush visit. Without Bushex, the President’s recent trip to Europe may well have started World War III.

During clinical trials of Bushex, ten of the twenty monkeys used in the experiment died after ingesting the drug, but it was later ascertained by autopsies that these monkeys were actually rightwingers and, lacking brains, their systems could not absorb the powerful medication.

They know this is true because the monkeys went around calling out “Merry Mas”, claiming the ACLU has taken Christ out of “Merry Christmas”.

One must have a prescription to obtain Bushex and it is said that taking Bushex and Viagra together is quite an experience. Doctors urge caution when combining these medications. This combination turned Bob Dole into a Democrat and made Zell Miller visit a strip joint and enjoy a lap dance with an exotic dancer.

Some pharmacists refuse to fill prescriptions for Bushex, claiming it is against their personal beliefs. And insurance companies have refused to pay for the medication, because they feel that Bush has helped business. But the biggest obstacle is the pharmaceutical companies, who claim Bushex is slashing their profits.

Those people who are dead broke and trying to declare bankruptcy are advised to double up on their intake of Bushex. This advice holds true for parents of Head Start children, parents of college students, and environmentalists. Dosage for National Guardsmen waiting to be called into Iraq for the second time are advised to just empty the bottle.

Bushex not only causes one to be immune to the Bush activities, but it is helpful in listening to the exploits of Congress. One is advised not to even THINK about Tom Delay or Karl Rove before swallowing a Bushex. As for Donald Rumsfeld, Bushex has been known to cause hallucinations in the form of strange sexual fantasies. A half-dosage is advised where Rumsfeld is concerned. One man said he fantasized that he sicced angry dogs on a nude Rumsfeld while ramming a stray Hummer part up his anus.

Reports that Bushex causes heart problems are not true. Actually, NOT taking Bushex while watching the political news is what is causing heart problems. Bushex not only gives one immunity from George W. Bush, but it prevents pregnancy, clears up skin problems, and cures warts.

Bushex is safe for the Elderly, if taken only when the subject of Social Security is being discussed. Too much Bush has been known to harden the arteries of the Elderly and caution is advised. The AARP has not yet requested Bushex for their membership, but it is said their executives are swallowing it daily.

Bushex may make you drowsy during Bush speeches, but this reaction is far better than violent rage. It has also been known to cause bowel distress, expecially when GWB is talking about “a better world”, followed by news of another suicide bomber in Iraq. An annoying rash may occur when Bush reveals his budget and, in that case, doubling the dosage may be necessary.

Rumor has it that the Republican Party is trying to infiltrate the market for Bushex, by making its customers immune to Howard Dean instead of George Bush after swallowing the pill. Reporters are looking into this pill-tampering accusation, but have assured us that Diebold has nothing to do with this medication.