Saturday, October 29, 2005


I can remember when religious folks were considered kind, thoughtful, and always willing to help their fellow man. But religion seems to have undergone a metamorphosis in the past few years. First, they have become prosperous, with huge churches sprawling for city blocks, consisting of every entertainment known to man, and fashioned to make life enjoyable. Sackcloth and ashes have been tucked away, nor do they pay much attention to Jesus' very liberal instructions. They have reinterpreted the meaning of religion and, frankly, it is a frightening thing.

I am writing this because we approach the Mas season. Since liberals took Christ out of Christmas, Mas has become an interesting time of year. Now we wish each other "Merry Mas" or "Happy Holidays", but we just will not allow Christ to participate in any way in the celebration of his birthday. And it is all because of that nasty ACLU.

Religious folks today literally despise the ACLU, which is an organization set up to protect the U.S. Constitution and which has...ahem...religiously adhered to the Separation of Church and State. This does not sit well with the Religious Right of today, known also as the Bush Base, which sounds more like the apparatus that holds up a lampshade than it does a political sect. But political it is, and the Bush Base wants to make sure that our government is as religious as possible. This is why those old Congressional reprobates lined up on the Capitol steps to recite the Pledge, using the words "Under God". When they add a little pork to the bills that are passed, they feel they have the approval of God, and some of them even feel that George Bush is his emissary.

I watched Zell Miller as he spoke at the last Republican Convention and here is a True Believer. He was so zealous about the connection between George Bush and God that the spittle flew from his mouth in a baptism of all in the front row seats. He sounded more like the old Revivalist preachers I used to listen to in my youth than he did a politician. And, to be a politician as well as a Revivalist, you have to believe that all pork is sent by God, gifts for the deserving, Alms for the True Believers.

Evidently Tom Delay believes that all touching the suit jackets of George Bush deserve luxurious rewards. He did not take camping vacations with the wife and kids, eating marshmallows on a willow stick. Oh, no! He enjoyed expensive sojourns in exotic places, lapping up luxury, as a true conservative feels he should.

Now we come to Bill Frist, who seems to be unaware that he is getting richer, even though he sold stock just before it fell to the ground. We all know Bill is worried about greater things than money, like saving little folks like Terri Schiavo and keeping them in comas rather than going off to their rewards. The thousands killed and maimed in Iraq do not occupy a mind like this, it seems. But then, no votes there! We have to remember important things like that.

Now, it is Scooter Libby. In the first place, any grown man who calls himself "Scooter" should hide his head in shame. Scooters, in my experience, are those silly clowns we all know who act up, grabbing women's butts, and being intentionally gross. No educated, articulate and intelligent man is called "Scooter". It's a fact. Encyclopedias may not include it, but I know they should.

Personally, I was quite thrilled by Patrick Fitzgerald. He's pokey, for sure, taking years to come to a conclusion, but I think he knows true religion....things like decency, honesty, integrity.

Just recently a woman I know asked me what a Thespian might be. "I hope it isn't something sexual!," she said.

Perhaps we will have to fashion a Constitutional Amendment against Thespianism. And those folks with Thespian children can be haunted with guilt, wondering if it is caused by something they did...or didn't do. We can pass laws against Thespianism and the Pope can issue an edict. I think this Pope is going to be good at passing edicts.

So, we have the Religious Right trying to take the world back to the time of Jesus, using George Bush as a conduit. To get it there, many of them feel that we will first have to fight Muslims and take Democracy to the far corners of the Middle East. Then they can rule there, too, as soon as they figure out how to ban cusswords in Arabic.

The thing is, they can't figure out how to take the world back to the time of Jesus and still keep wonder drugs in their cabinets. They don't trust Science, but those drugs do help occasionally. So, they have a sort of Selective Science. Stem Cell Research is out. Birth Control Medication is out. But, pass the Viagra and prepare for pregnancy!

It's great to poke fun at the Religious Right, because they do leave themselves open for ridicule. Of course, they believe it is because Christians have been assaulted and picked upon. After all, weren't they fed to the lions?

But, between you and me, it seems that many of them have become so aggressive they could gobble up a lion for a snack. The lions of this world...the true leaders, the intellectuals, are being devoured, along with the poor. And the happy lions, smacking their lips, are snoozing in the glow of their achievement.